My heart is a bit heavy tonight. The glass of water that is my life appears to be half empty; yes I know that’s only a half-truth. I have this sense that I am being used and discarded.
It’s a fine line between being “used” and being “useful.” Both experiences utilize our persons in the service of the other, but the first feels abusive and the second one breathes life. I’m an advocate of emptying self in the service of the other – which is inevitably involves a mix of joy and pain – but I’m always surprised when those for whom I “sacrifice-self” don’t notice or even worse think the less of me for it.
Was I seeking to serve them or was I posturing or marbled? Of course all sacrifice is motivated – all is done “joy set before us.”
But all that to say, I feel dispensed.
peace, dwight
